So today in a car with a friend he was criticizing me for how badly I drive.

He said something along the lines of "I want to live, Melissa."

and I replied "I'm not afraid of death."

And he may think that I was kidding, but I learned a long time ago that I'm not.

This belief is bred purely from the fact that I'm way more afraid of being alone and having no one to turn to. This is selfish, but it's my one phobia, to be entirely alone. I don't want to be left without my family, my friends. I hate that kind of pain, the kind of pain of missing someone that will never, ever return.

It's a stupid horrible wound that once cut open, it never stops. The only thing that gets better is how you deal with it. And usually that's a long and strenuous process.

So, yeah, bring on the unknown, the good life, the other side. I'm down.

Just don't leave me alone.

P.S. Being sick is grody, my friends are all busy, my acquaintances don't want to be anywhere near me, and I always have a shit ton of nothing to say. So I start doing the thing where I talk too much to people I don't know, and they're just like... oh.. okay.. well.. yeahh.... Then I realize that I talk too much, and it would all be just fine if my friends weren't so busybusybusy! Cause then I'd just unload all my bullshit onto them, I know they love that :P