twoknine.

Just before it turned 2009, I felt fed up.

I did not want to be there with my family smiling at cute babies.

I wanted to be out with my friends dancing at a bar, or at a house laughing with a whole bunch of people I didn't know, but at least a handful I did.

I wanted that amazing all smiles night.

Instead I wanted to not dissapoint my mother, who felt New Year's was a traditional family holiday. To celebrate the fact that you survived another year with your loved ones, and to bring the new one in with the people that meant the most to you.

And all that is good and well, and makes sense. But if we were to take things that literal, everyday is a blessing, every new day is another marker we should be thankful for. And I do. By thanking God and smiling. In the end, on New Year's Eve all you want to do is party.

I felt fed up with this obligation to do things with my family, to hide the fact that I'm pretty grown up because not only is that unacceptable, it's unsafe and irresponsible.

It's hard to grasp, but they honestly believe that while I'm at college, which is only a half hour away so it's not like it's out of their hands to control the situation (which means they don't look at it like they have no say either way), I'm in my dorm by dark, I don't walk around campus by myself, I have never consumed alcohol, and I have never been to a bar. Hell, I'm pretty sure they still think I hate the smell of beer.

Lies.

I love beer.

I go downtown once a week.

I don't know who the hell is in their dorm by dark ever, unless it's one of those lazy days and you just make dinner at home.

They don't know a lot of the things I've done.

Which I dunno, a lot of children have great relationships with their parents and tell them everything.

I just can't.

As long as they fund my life I have to listen, and as long as I have to listen they will continue to treat me like the little girl they've always seen me. See growing up to them is taking responsibility. While that's a valuable lesson, it's their failure to see that without acquring responsibility (partly their fault for not really giving me any) I have grown, I have grown a lot. 

They know I'm not the same naive teen, easy to cop an attitude, they see that in their interactions with me. But somehow I just know they're not ready for me to be really grown up. I think my dad is, mostly cause I think we're same minded. But my mom, she just does not get it.

Sigh, all that aside.

It turned 2009. Hugs and kisses.

And there in my cell phone was a text.

"This is your year."

From my best friend, she's the best, and I don't think she knows that it was the perfect thing to say, but best friends tend to do amazing things without ever realizing it.

And a mom that was at this family party I was at was leaving she said,

"Happy New Year, I hope all your dreams come true."

We had been talking earlier about my aspirations, and you know what I really have known what I wanted to do with my life for a very VERY long time and I just realized today that the only confusing part is how to get there. And I'm still a little confused, but hopefully.. I'll figure it out.

Haha and now two of my good guy friends from this town just IM'd me on Facebook "WE ARE WASTED." Priceless. We talked of bread, and the homosexuality of pretzels and pretzel sticks. Amazing. I mean, amusing. :)

I love my friends.

And while the night wasn't the night you (or mostly I)'d picture for this college girl, this year has started off right.

We'll see where it leads :).