Some people envision their futures here. Some people left on the first flight out. Some people don't care either way. Some people, like me, are afraid of what's going to happen. Afraid of being too afraid, of being too careful. Some people are scared that they won't be able to take the risk of leaving this place. That the convenience that is keeping them here now, will keep them here forever. Some people are already picking out the neighborhood they'll raise their children in. I sit, cross my fingers, and pray that I won't be raising my children here. That one day I'll be brave enough to leave this place.

I like to live day by day. I'm concerned with now, and the future will come and at that time I will make those decisions. However, what if the offers don't work out the way I want. What if the best plan is to stay here? Do I need to change the way I think, at least a little? Do I need to start aiming for getting the hell out of here? That's just not the way I am. I am a firm believer that things are going to happen the way they're going to happen. That at the end of my four years here I will have to make a decision regardless, so why try to make that decision now? I don't know if I need to change my philosphy, for at the end it could be my downfall. But right now, I guess I will see where the road takes me.


It's ending up right where I started that scares me.