shouldn't it be easy just to feel happy.

hey- i was thinking about you last night as i tried to fall asleep. im really proud of myself. i didn't cry. i just remembered you. i miss you all the time. you used to walk by everyday and make me laugh. but don't worry, i laugh all the time and you probably would have been hella sick of my laughter by now anyways. and the boys next door still get the job done. and oh dont worry about having been 'replaced' your presence is still missed around here. i miss your smile. i think about what could've been all the time. you would've been making fun of me sooo much right now. i can just think of the things you'd be yelling through my door, the casual snide comments you'd make about my crippledness as we wait for the elevator.. or as i waited for the elevator and you laughed as you could take the stairs. i can picture you sneaking up on me as i lie spaced out on my bed. i think you'd think or new set up is pretty awesome, or at least you'd tell us it looked ridiculous but that's just cause you were never the nicest of boys. but it's okay cause somehow every time i was laughing. i missss that. i'm just glad the boys around here seem to be happy. i'm not close to them or anything. but they seem to be alright. i guess things aren't always as they seem, but from the outside i hope that my conclusion is correct. basically all i can say is that i miss you boy, love you.

p.s. don't worry about me, you've got other people to watch over. other people who the hurt has gotten worse, you were so amazing - what are we supposed to do without you? i don't know. but really, i'm good. i'm fine. and i'm not telling myself that. i promise. i haven't cried in so long. and i am so happy right now. everything is simple, for the first time in a while. i just wanted to let you know that i'm still thinking of you, your family, your friends. and that i missed you. i don't think i'll ever forget you. in fact im sure i wont ever forget you. so just know that i still love you, miss you, and won't ever EVER forget you and go take care of those who need it sooo much more than me. you've done so much for me already. thanks again for that day. it was seriously amazing. you are amazing. i hope everything's going good up there. oh and if mitch hedberg is up there tell him i miss him too. wish he was down here kicking dane cook's ass in the hilarity aspect. [even though i get the feeling y'all were all big fans of him.. i mean don't get me wrong he was hilarious... his new shit is damn repetitive though but you know.. i'm no critic haha] i suspect that if you do meet him you probably wouldn't remember to do that. y'all are probably blazing up right now. hahaha- i mean god made pot sooo... you're straight. hahahaha love you :).


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The show Friday night was so much fun. It was crazy how many people came out for Call Me Much and they did a KICKASS job. They are all so crazy talented and it's about time people started to recognize it. Lefty at the Washout was soo awesome to jam to, they did a great great GREAT job. Justin Smith and the Folk-Hop Band was just a big group of freakin talented people. I love live shows, that expose REAL talent. It might make you insanely jealous, but hell that feeling that they give you, and the fact that it's not industry produced makes it all worth it.

I didn't do SHIT yesterday except lay around. Some high schooler's dropped by and they were entertaining, and gonna be here next fall which is crazy! I don't know if I can handle them on campus, but I guess we'll just have to see. It's gonna be interesting that's for sure.










BAFIAJFLAKSDJAADA---- I really do crave contact. It's so sad. Oh well.