i'm in repair, i'm not together.. but i'm getting there

I'm not really sure what just happened. I came downstairs. I took off my boot. I changed. I started dancing. I don't know why. I turned up the music, and I danced. I missed dancing, so much. Then I sat down. Then I cried... I cried pretty damn hard. I don't know. I miss him. I can't help but not think about how his friends must be feeling. I can't do it. Those victims of the Northern Illinois U shooting. I don't know. I don't understand. I don't... get it. I don't know. I really need to get a grip. I guess. I don't know. I guess it's good that I can feel. I'd rather do this than be numb. I don't want to be numb. I don't want this either. Why can't everything just be okay?